Ok, warning controversial statement coming up.
I’m so over Mum Blogs.
I’m over this trend where mums who talk about normal mum stuff are glorified.
The key word here is: normal. Mums who talk about their labour. Mums who talk about the lack of time because they have multiple children. Mums who talk about feeling alone. Mums who talk about getting back into shape. Mums who self-congratulate because they are not insane yet.
I get that over the modern decades mothers’ role has not been so honestly, explicitly discussed by mainstream Western society. I get that we needed to be aware of this. Post Natal Depression, Gender Inequality in the household and Breastfeeding in Public – needed to be put into our awareness. We needed reinforcement of our role as a mother and acknowledgement of our hard work. Gosh, do we need someone to tell us not to feel guilty for wanting to leave it all. I get it. I understand it. I live it. But after 10 years of listening to this and seeing the growing trend of over-sharing the minute details of a mum’s life I’ve had enough. Putting a mum blogger on a celebrity status for declaring that she’s achieved something because she’s a mum and she can write about it – has turned me off the sisterhood of mums.
This has been a gradual change. It wasn’t a particular post or article or selfie. It’s the sum whole concept of women writing about normal mummy life. I guess my mummy journey started to take a different turn. I’ve gone past the need to relate and I’m now onto the need to have a role model. I now want to read about women who against all motherhood odds accomplished something else and defined themselves as more than a mum.
My mum blog journey started when I felt guilt with all the “mistakes” I made as an ignorant and clueless first time mum 9 years ago. I didn’t have the blogs then. I wasn’t even on Facebook to post photos of my very standard labour. I didn’t have WordPress to talk about how painful it was or the struggles of breastfeeding. I didn’t have the forums to rant and rave about judgey maternal health care nurses when I decided to give up nursing after a month. I was in my own (blissful) mum bubble. Since then though I’ve over shared on Facebook and posted passive aggressive statuses to those judgey women. And I started my own blog. Oh I did.
But I recently noticed that my blog is all about being a woman struggling to figure out what her calling is. It’s about being a feminist who’s also a mum, not a mum who’s turned feminist. When I had my second child 19 months ago I was lucky enough to now have Facebook, the parent forums, the mums who write about being mums and lots of blogs. I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I felt like I was a member of a great club like the Toastmasters. I connected, and I belonged.
Lately, though I started feeling that I don’t want to be 80 years old, looking back at my life and my achievements and only have “great mother” as my trophy. I want to say to myself I was a great mum PLUS thinker, solution provider, contributor and helper to better the world. I want my children to grow up knowing that I wasn’t there when they played cello or danced or sang at school because Mummy was doing something larger than the sum whole of all their primary school performances. Plus hello technology! We can all go home at the end of the day look at the video of their performance, review it, dissect it, laugh at their observations all the while also hearing about the important thing that Mummy had to do, too.
I also want to be able to tell myself that I have other things to talk about besides my mum struggles or my fights with my husband. I would like to write about politics, astrophysics, the future of the world and when do I get to afford a Tesla car. Yes, it would be great if during these conversations I can intersperse the dialogue by how much I love my children and I swear by attachment parenting and baby led weaning.
Instead of reading how to be a Queen, I am reading Not Guilty, a book for women who won’t get all of it but will navigate being a mum and a career woman with aplomb. I am reading Start Something that Matters, a book about finding your passion and acting on it. And also reading A Brief History of Time because I think it’s about time I revisit my high school physics knowledge.
I guess this whole journey for me is about me as a whole. And I know that being a mum is only a part of my whole. I think that women should not define themselves as just being a mum, or just being a career woman or just anything. It’s about time we celebrate our multi-dimensional wholes. It’s about time we write about being a mum who also has a passion in others things and against all odds, and even with limited time was able to achieve great things that impact others too. I can’t wait to read those blogs. And when I come across those I will call them the women blogs.